


"In His Best Interests"

by Terri Botta (Isilwath)



Category: due South
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-13
Updated: 2013-06-13
Packaged: 2017-12-14 20:19:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/840975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isilwath/pseuds/Terri%20Botta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maggie makes a decision that changes Ben and Kowalski's lives forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"In His Best Interests"

**Author's Note:**

> Old, old, OLD fic. I wrote this in 2000. Posting for posterity.

Title: "In His Best Interests" 

Author: Terri Botta

Disclaimers: All standard disclaimers apply. I’m poor so don’t sue. Alliance owns ‘em, I don’t. 

Rating: PG 

Warnings: none 

Spoilers: none 

 

In His Best Interests 

By Terri Botta 2000

 

Norman Wells, Northwest Territories, 2016

Staff Sergeant Benton Fraser was retired. He was forced to retire at the young age of 55, a victim of downsizing and an old injury that would have doomed him to desk duty. Rather than allow himself to be chained to a desk, kept indoors, reduced to filling out paperwork and watching from the sidelines, he opted out, ending an illustrious and prosperous career. He left the RCMP with full honors, numerous commendations and not a few sighs of relief.

No one would ever say that Staff Sergeant Benton Fraser had been an easy supervisor. Meticulous, exact, and honest to a fault, he was both a compassionate superior and a merciless slave driver. Those under him both loved and hated him, knowing that he would always expect the absolute best from each and every one of them, and not accept anything less. Yet he was generous with leave requests and sympathetic to the personal lives of his subordinates.

After he retired, he settled in a small cabin located along the outskirts of the town of Norman Wells, within five kilometers of his half-sister’s home. His beloved Diefenbaker had died in 2010, and he now shared company with a number of his faithful companion’s grandchildren and great-grandchildren. His only regular visitors were his sister and her family.

Maggie MacKenzie had married Steven Evans, a fellow RCMP officer in 2001 and they now had three children: two daughters and a son. The eldest daughter, Caroline, was fourteen; the middle child, Ann, was a budding twelve, and the youngest, Robert, was a robust eight. They were the apple of their uncle’s eye, and could often be found ‘hanging out at Uncle Ben’s.’

Uncle Ben was a wealth of information, entertainment and assistance. Always helpful, always willing to lend a hand, quick with a suggestion or lesson; his nieces and nephew adored him. Now that he was retired, the children could be found at his cabin shortly after school almost every day. They took it upon themselves to occupy their uncle’s time as much as possible. Because Staff Sergeant Benton Fraser was alone.

Caroline had once asked her mother why her uncle was always by himself, why he had never married or sought companionship. Maggie’s face had hardened and she had replied sternly that Caroline should not ask such questions, and she should never, ever speak to her uncle about it. She had more luck with her father, catching him one winter evening when he had just returned from patrol and was mellow with rum-spiked coffee and caribou stew.

Uncle Ben, he told her, had loved once, a deep love, back when he was stationed in the United States, but it had ended very badly. Uncle Ben had been very deeply hurt, so hurt that he transferred back to Canada and never set foot in the States again. He never recovered from the loss of his love, and he never tried again, for it was not the first time that love had gone horribly wrong in Uncle Ben’s life. They never spoke of it, and did their best not to remind him of his loss. Maggie was very protective of him, even more so after a terrible accident had almost killed her brother, and insisted that her brother be allowed to forget and live his life in peace.

“Never say anything to him about his life, or ask him about his time in Chicago. It hurts him still and your mother will be very angry,” he had said with conviction.

Caroline had never asked again, but a deep sorrow lived in her heart for her uncle who was so alone with no one to love. She told her siblings never to ask Uncle Ben about his love life or his past, but she never forgot her father’s sad look when he spoke of Uncle Ben’s pain, or the fleeting, wistful looks her uncle gave her mother and father sometimes. She imagined that she could see the pain there sometimes, the loneliness and longing, but she kept herself from saying a word. Instead, she vowed that she and her siblings would keep him company, so he would never feel left out of the family.

This was the status quo for years until the world turned upside down just six scant months after Uncle Ben retired.

*********** 

It was spring in the Northwest Territories, but Winter had yet to release its hold. Snow still blanketed the ground and the temperatures still hovered near freezing as Caroline put her hat on and joined her brother and sister on their way to Uncle Ben’s cabin. They were about two kilometers out of town when they came upon a strange man standing still in the snow. He looked confused and very out of place, his arms crossed protectively around his chest as he stared at the open snowfield ahead of him.

“Um, hi mister, are you lost?” Robert asked as they approached him.

The man jolted as if he’d been surprised and whirled to face them. His face was almost completely obscured by a woolen hat and scarf, but his eyes shone bright blue. It was obvious that he was not used to the cold at all, even though it was warm to the children.

“Sorry, mister. We didn’t mean to scare you,” Ann apologized.

The man didn’t answer. He just stared at them, making the children uncomfortable. Caroline stepped forward.

“Sir, can we help you? Norman Wells is just two kilometers behind us. Do you need assistance?” she asked.

The man cleared his throat. “Uhh, no. No thank you. I… I was told to come out this way. I’m… I’m looking for Staff Sergeant Benton Fraser,” he replied in an unsteady voice.

His accent was definitely American.

“That’s our uncle!” Robert piped up before his older sister could stop him.

The man’s eyes widened a little bit and he cocked his head.

“Maggie’s kids?” he questioned.

“Maggie Evans is our mom,” Ann answered helpfully.

The man nodded. “Ya look like yer mother.”

“Have you come to see Uncle Ben?” Robert asked, his eyes hopeful.

The man dipped his head. “Yeah. I came lookin’ for him. Head guy at the RCMP detachment said I should come out this way. Could you… uh… could you kids show me how to get there? All this snow. I get kinda turned around.”

Robert practically beamed and he grabbed the man’s gloved hand.  “We’ll take you there! C’mon. It’s this way!”

Before the exuberant eight-year old could be stopped, he was dragging the man behind him. Ann moved to follow but Caroline held her back.

“Go back to the house Annie. Tell mom,” she said.

Her sister stared at her. “Why?”

“Because a strange American is going out to see Uncle Ben.”

“So?”

“So no one ever goes to see Uncle Ben and I don’t like it. You go back and tell mom, and I’ll go with Robbie.”

Ann pouted a bit, but gave in, turning for home. Caroline waited to make sure Ann was truly headed back before running to catch up to her brother and the strange American.

“My name’s Robert. What’s yours?” Robbie was saying as Caroline rejoined them.

“Uh, it’s Ray.”

“Are you a friend of my uncle’s from his time in America, Ray?” Caroline asked.

“Yeah, you could say that.”

“What brings you here now?” she questioned shrewdly.

“I heard he’d retired.”

“Yeah! They had a big party and everything!” Robert enthused. “People came from all over!”

The man smiled behind his scarf but Caroline saw his eyes were sad. “I heard,” he said.

“Our uncle was a highly celebrated member of the RCMP,” Caroline added.

Ray nodded. “Yeah, I know.”

They fell silent, continuing their walk through the snow and Caroline took the opportunity to study the strange man. He was tall and thin. His eyes were bright, but the lines around his eyes suggested that he was about her uncle’s age. He was having difficulty navigating the snow, but he did not complain, he merely trudged on and did his best to keep up.

Finally Uncle Ben’s cabin appeared along the tree-line with its exterior barn where the dogs were kept. From across the open field they could see their uncle chopping wood alongside the house. Robert picked up his pace, practically dragging Ray behind him, and Ray stumbled several times, but did not fall. He was panting heavily by the time they reached the cabin, gasping for breath as Robert tackled his uncle.

“Uncle Ben, Uncle Ben, Uncle Ben!!”

The older man, still robust despite his age and injury, lifted the youngster with ease.

“Robert Steven Evans!” he greeted as the child laughed.

Ben put the boy down and turned to face his niece. Caroline saw him stop short when his eyes fell on the stranger.

“Uncle Ben! You have a visitor! Ray came all the way from America to see you!” Robert announced.

There was silence and Caroline knew her uncle was completely stunned. His face was devoid of color. He stared at Ray for what seemed forever, his jaw slack.

“Ray?” he croaked in a voice that Caroline had never heard from her uncle before.

Ray bowed his head and shoved his hands deep in his pockets. “Yeah, s’me. Hi Ben.”

All at once, Caroline saw her uncle straighten, stiffen as he drew himself up, getting his emotions under control as his shock wore off.

“Robert, would you do me a favor and go feed the dogs?” Ben asked.

The boy gave his uncle a little look then grinned. “Sure Uncle Ben.”

They watched as Robert dashed off to the barn. Once he was gone, Ben turned to Ray.

“I must say, this comes as quite a surprise.”

Ben’s voice was ice.

Ray nodded. “Yeah.”

“Did you come all the way from Chicago?”

The question was asked with formal politeness, but Caroline could feel the tension between the two men and she was certain her original fears had been justified. She was glad that she sent Ann back to get their mother.

Ray shook his head.  “No. Been livin’ in Arizona.”

Ben gave a curt nod. “Ah. And how are your parents?”

“They’re dead. Dad died in 2012, Mom followed the year after.”

Caroline wasn’t sure, but she thought she saw a flicker of sympathy flash through her uncle’s eyes.

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“S’okay. Thanks.”

“So? What brings you here?”

Ben was cutting to the chase.

“I heard you retired.”

“Ah. I was unaware that my retirement was known in the States.”

“It wasn’t. I… uh… ran into Turnbull last time I was in Chicago. He told me. He’s the head honcho at the Consulate now, y’know.”

Ben gave a short nod. “No, I did not know, but I am not surprised. Constable Turnbull always was a fine officer.”

Ray gave a short laugh. “I think getting hit by that bus did him a world of good actually,” came the wry reply as he raised his eyes to look at the other man.

Ben did not answer and Ray dropped his gaze again. Silence ensued and Caroline saw Ray’s shoulders slump. Ray shivered and seemed to be barely holding himself up as a gust of wind blew into them.

“So… I… uh I guess I’ll…” Ray began nervously.

“Would you like some tea?” Ben offered suddenly, surprising Caroline, and, from his expression, Ray as well.

Ray met Ben’s eyes and Caroline thought she saw a light come into them.

“Um, yeah. Tea would be good.”

Caroline saw her uncle give a short nod.

“Come inside then.”

He didn’t wait to see if he was being followed as he turned and headed into the cabin. Ray followed somewhat reluctantly. Caroline brought up the rear. There was no way she was leaving this man alone with her uncle.

Once in the cabin, Ben set to heating a teakettle on the wood stove. Caroline watched as Ray unwound the scarf from his neck and took off his hat. Now she could see his short, blond hair that had grayed at the edges, and his sharp, angular face. His cheeks seemed hollow, his eyes sunken into his skull. Caroline frowned. The man did not look very healthy. A glance at her uncle revealed that he was also frowning, but the frown faded behind a blank look the moment Ray looked at him.

“So? You… you uh live here now all the time?” Ray asked.

“Yes. Now that I am retired I felt it best to live... closer to family.”

“Little early isn’t it? I thought they’d have to bury you in your uniform.”

Ben stiffened. “Yes, well. Sometimes things don’t work out as we plan,” came the cryptic answer.

Caroline saw Ray blanch and shove his hands back into his coat pockets. He’d taken off the hat and scarf but not he coat. From her vantage point, she could see the fine tremors of his body, as if he were fighting to remain standing, even out of cold and wind.

“Yeah, that’s the truth.” There were whole volumes in that single sentence.

Ben didn’t answer. He fussed over the mugs and a tin of tea. Caroline saw Ray take a look around the cabin, an odd look on his face.

“The place looks... nice. A lot like like yer dad’s place. Y’know. Where you brought us after we were done with our adventure,” he said.

A mug was set down a little more forcefully then it should have been and Caroline realized that her uncle was angry. Ray realized it too because she saw him flinch. Ben pivoted and met Ray with a full, imposing stare.

“Ray, why are you here?”

Blunt and to the point.

Ray looked away. Caroline saw the color rise in his cheeks, but it only made him look more sickly.

“I told you,” he answered slowly. “I heard you retired, and I... I came to see you.”

“Why?”

It was obvious that Ben was not going to let the other man off the hook that easily. There was anger in his voice, but Caroline heard pain in there too, old pain.

“Because I...” Ray tried. Then he stopped and stepped closer to Ben, closing the distance between them and reached out with his hand. His fingers brushed Ben’s arm briefly before Ben stepped away. Caroline saw anguish cross Ray’s face and realized that her uncle was not the only one dealing with pain. He backed off, moving to the thick wooden table and rested his back against it, as if his legs were weak.

They heard the roar of a Jeep pull up at high speed and come to a skidding halt. Then the front door of the cabin flew open and Maggie Evans nee MacKenzie rushed in.

“Ben! I heard...” She stopped as her eyes fell on the other man in the room.

Caroline was astonished to see shock, then rage, then cold hatred cross her mother’s face as she took in the slender figure leaning against the table.

“Detective Kowalski,” she said icily.

“Maggie,” Ray answered. His voice was tired and sad.

Heavy silence fell again and Caroline edged to the door and shut it as her sister came in. Ann looked askance at her, but she shook her head, willing her sister not to speak.

“What are you doing here?” Maggie demanded.

“I came to see Ben. I heard he retired.”

There was an edge in his voice, a challenge. Maggie heard it too because Caroline saw her bristle.

“Well, you’ve seen him. Now you can go.”

Caroline suppressed a gasp and she looked to her uncle. Surely he wasn’t going to tolerate such rudeness, but he said nothing. Ray looked from one to the other for a moment, then he sighed and just... wilted. Caroline felt a pang of sorrow for the man now because he looked so lost... so out of his element. What had he done to make her mother hate him so? What had he done to Uncle Ben?

“Yeah. I guess I will,” Ray finally whispered, but it was obvious that he did not want to leave.

It took him a moment, but he finally pushed himself away from the table to stand completely on his feet. Caroline thought he looked really unstable, but he wasn’t wobbling. She got the impression that he was holding back some strong emotion, an emotion that threatened to tear him apart. She saw him swallow, then raise his eyes to meet Ben’s.

“It was good to see you,” he whispered, as if he didn’t trust his voice.

Her uncle didn’t answer, merely nodded, and Caroline saw that the hardness of his face did not reach his eyes. So he was holding back something as well.

Ray lowered his eyes again, nodding, and moved slowly towards the door. Caroline held her breath until he reached it. He put his hand on the door latch.

“So that’s it, is it?” her uncle’s sharp voice asked, almost deafening in the tense silence.

“Ben,” Maggie warned.

“You come here after 14 years to see me, then walk out again? Just like that? Is that it?”

Ray turned to face him and Caroline saw the raw pain on the blond man’s face. “No, that’s not it,’ he answered hoarsely.

“What is it then? Why are you here, Ray?” Ben pressed angrily.

For a moment, Ray stared at him, his eyes wide as if he’d just realized something. He cast a glance at Maggie, then shook his head.

“I gotta get outta here,” he said finally and opened the door. “I’m sorry, Ben. I’m sorry fer comin’ here an’ ruinin’ yer day.”

Then he slipped out and closed the door behind him. The silence lasted all of ten seconds.

“Ruining my day?” Ben growled.

Caroline had never seen her uncle so angry. Maggie put a hand on his shoulder, standing in his way. “Ben, please...”

He tried to push past her.

“Ben, please. Let him go. He’ll only hurt you again, and I can’t bear to see that.”

He gave her a level look, then shook his head. “I’m sorry, Maggie. I promise you, he will not hurt me, but I have questions that need answers and he’s going to answer them.”

Caroline watched him storm out, then looked at her mother, expecting her to follow, but she did not. Her mother looked stricken, and not just with anger or concern. There was fear there too.

 

Ray was only a few yards away from the cabin, stumbling in the snow, and Ben felt a pang of guilt. Ray hadn’t looked very good, and now his suspicions were confirmed. His ex-lover was barely standing. He almost ran to steady him. Almost.

“Ray!” he yelled in full command voice and smiled to himself when he saw the other man come to a halt.

He strode forward confidently, mustering his righteous anger. After all, it was Ray who left him, Ray who walked out of his life fourteen years ago, Ray who broke his heart into a million little pieces he wasn’t even sure he’d found yet. He had every right to be angry, to demand answers.

Then why did he feel the prick of his conscience? Why were his RCMP instincts warning him that all was not as it seemed? Ray was obviously very distressed, unhealthy and weak. And there had been something in that brief touch, desperation on Ray’s part.

//As if he couldn’t believe I was real.//

He reached the still figure of his ex-lover and stopped beside him, just shy of touching him. Ray kept his head down, hunched against the wind. He had not put his hat or scarf back on. Ben had to fight the urge to remedy that. Even in his anger, he still felt protective of the man. It only made him angrier. It gave him strength and courage. He wore it like armor.

“Why are you here Ray?” he demanded again.

Ray shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut.

“I think I have a right to know.”

Ray still did not answer.

“Did you... did you think you could just come back after all these years and I would welcome you with open arms?”

“No.” It was barely a whisper.

“Then what did you think? Explain yourself Ray!”

Ray began to shake. “I... told you. I just wanted to see you.’

It was too much. Ben threw up his arms to the heavens. “Just wanted to see me?  You just wanted to see me?! After 14 years, you show up on my doorstep because you just wanted to see me,” he repeated coldly, using his anger as a weapon, lashing out. “Why didn’t you ‘want to see me’ last year, five years ago, ten years ago, twelve years ago?”

He saw Ray’s shaking become more violent, but he did not care. Letting his anger out felt good. He felt vindicated, powerful, old pain pouring out with both barrels.

“Where were you, Ray? Where were you? Where were you when I was injured and fighting for my life? Where were you when I was comatose? Where were you when I actually wanted to see you? When I needed you?” he continued, ignoring the tears that now silently ran down Ray’s face.

“You’re too late, Ray. You’re 14 years too late,” he said bitterly.

Ray sobbed loudly, the tears streaming from his eyes, then he let out an anguished cry and dropped to his knees in the snow, curling himself into a ball.

Ben was stunned. This he had not expected. Anger, yes; rage, yes, but this… this was grief, deep, heart-wrenching grief. He stared down at the pitiful figure, unsure as to what to do. Although his anger had made him feel powerful, now he felt helpless and torn. Ray sobbing at his feet was unsettling to say the least, nor was it something he ever wished to see.

“Ray?” he asked tentatively.

Ray gasped in gulp of air and sniffed, his mouth working as he tried to speak. Ben tilted his head down to listen.

“I... I’m s-s-sorry.  I... d-didn’t kn-know,” Ray hiccuped, almost too incoherently for Ben to understand.  “Sh.. she t-t-told me y-y-you were d-de-dead.”

The shock hit him like ice water, killing his anger. “Dead?” he repeated. //Dead?//

He knelt on one knee, close to the trembling figure. “Ray? Who told you I was dead?  Ray, what are you saying?”

Ben watched Ray reach into his coat with shaking hands and pull out his wallet. Then he opened the wallet and pulled out a worn envelope that had been folded and unfolded many times. He offered the envelope to Ben, his hands still shaking violently, as violently as the sobs that shook the rest of his body.

As Ben took the envelope, Ray hugged himself, resting his forehead on the snow.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry...” Ray murmured over and over.

The envelope was handwritten in a handwriting that was vaguely familiar to him, and sent to Ray’s old address in Chicago. The postmark was April of 2004.

//When I was still in hospital after the explosion on the docks.//

There were two pieces of paper in the envelope, both Xeroxes, both taped numerous times as they fell apart with age, both smudged with finger prints and water stains.

//Tear stains.//

One was a copy of the news article reporting his accident and hospitalization. The second was an obituary. His.

His mind reeled in shock at the words: ‘Sergeant Benton Fraser, 43, RCMP. Died April 6, 2004.’ The lengthy article then went on to feature the highlights of his career, funeral arrangements (a private ceremony followed by cremation), where to send donations and cards, and whatnot. All the standard elements of an obituary. Except that he had never died, and this had never been printed in any newspaper. But someone had created the false obituary. And sent it to Ray.

//Oh, dear God.//

He gripped Ray’s shoulder tightly, shaking him. “Ray? Ray! Who sent you this Ray? Ray!”

Ray’s answer was a heartbroken sob and a shaking of his head. Ben turned over the envelope and stared at the writing, willing it tell him who had done such a thing. Then he recognized the script and knew, knew who had lied to Ray all those years ago.

The handwriting was Maggie’s.

The truth hit him hard and his vision went black. He slumped to the snow beside Ray, shocked beyond words.

“Ray,” he gasped hoarsely. “Ray, Ray, Ray, Ray, Ray...”

Ray’s hand flung out blindly, reaching for him and he grabbed for it. Then Ray was crawling to him, lifting himself up to look into his eyes.

“Are you real?” Ray breathed through his tears.

“Yes,” he answered, allowing his own tears to fall.

“Are you real?” Ray repeated.

“Yes.”

All at once, Ray threw himself at Ben, wrapping his arms around him in a desperate hug, and Ben found himself hugging back with equal strength as the renewed sobs threatened to tear Ray’s slender body apart.

They stayed that way, hugging in the snow, until Ray’s body went limp.

Lifting Ray’s unconscious body into his arms, Ben carried him back to the cabin, frowning at how little Ray weighed. Maggie and the kids were on the porch, his nieces and nephew all huddled around his sister. He met Maggie’s eyes and she knew that he had discovered her secret, her deception.

“Ben, I...” she began.

“Not now, Maggie,” he said harshly.

He saw her nod as he used his foot to push open the door. He laid Ray on his narrow bed and began stripping him of his outer layers. Ray’s jeans were soaked through from kneeling on the snow, his hiking boots crusted with ice. He dropped the boots to the floor and yanked off the wet jeans, then he unzipped Ray’s coat and pulled it off, gloves and all.

Ray was wearing his old RCMP sweatshirt, frayed around the cuffs and worn in several places. The sight of it made Ben’s heart skip a beat. The sweatshirt was the one article of clothing he hadn’t bothered to take back with him to Canada because it had been in Ray’s GTO when he left. Fourteen years later, Ray still had it, and was still wearing it.

//It was all he had left of me. Oh, my poor Ray.//

Sadly, gently, he fingered one cuff, noting where it had been mended at the seam. Turning it up to examine the stitching, he bared Ray’s wrist, and froze, his legs failing him as he sat on the edge of the bed.

A deep scar ran across the radial artery, pocked by stitch marks. Swallowing, he lifted the other wrist to bare its twin scar. Ray had slashed his wrists. Ray had tried to kill himself. Pushing the sleeves of the sweatshirt up one arm, he found more slash marks going up to the elbow. There were more on the other arm.

//Ray mutilated himself,// he thought with increasing horror.

He pinched the bridge of his nose hard, trying to get his emotions under control.

//And who would have sent me his obituary?//

He breathed hard, pushing down the sudden rush of rage that threatened to take him over. He concentrated on the task of getting Ray covered and warm, draping the woolen blankets over him. Then he turned to face his sister. She had come in; the children as well.

//Mustn’t let them see what is going to happen. Must protect the children.//

“Caroline, Ann, Robert,” he said calmly, as gently as he could. “Come here, please. I have a very important job for you.”

Although it was obvious that they were confused and worried, they obeyed, coming to stand beside the bed. It took him a moment to find his voice again, and when he spoke, he knew he had not been able to completely erase the tremor from it.

“This... this is your Uncle Ben’s friend, Ray,” he told them carefully. “I want you to watch him while your mother and I go have a private talk. If he wakes while we are gone, you must come get me right away. Do not let him leave. No matter what. Even if you must restrain him, do not let him leave this cabin. Understood?”

“Understood,” Caroline answered.

Ben nodded and rose to his feet. “Good. Thank you kindly. Caroline, while I should hope that you do not have to use them, my handcuffs are in the gun cabinet.”

“Understood, Uncle Ben.”

Ben gave his sister a measuring look. She swallowed then turned and walked out of the cabin. He followed closely behind.

He waited until they were in the barn, surrounded by the dogs, allowing the act of soothing and calming them, sensitive beasts that they were, to calm himself. By the time the dogs were settled, he felt ready to face Maggie. He drew the envelope from the pocket he had placed it in, and handed it to her without a word. She took it, bowing her head and biting her lip. He waited.

“He... he hurt you so much, Ben. He broke your heart. I will never forget that,” she said finally.

“So you felt justified in telling him I was dead,” he replied calmly.

“I was mad with grief and rage at the time, Ben. You were comatose. The doctors didn’t know if you would live, or if you’d even have a brain if you did come out of it,” she explained haltingly. “Somehow he got wind of your accident and found my number. He... he wanted to come up to see you. He wanted to know where you were, and I... I couldn’t deal with that. All I could think was that if he thought you were dead, he could never hurt you again.”

“So you falsified the obituary and sent it to him.”

She closed her eyes and nodded. “I knew it was wrong, but I did it anyway. I wanted you to be rid of him. I knew if you did survive, you’d have months of rehabilitation and recovery. I didn’t want him complicating things. I wanted him to stay out of your life.”

She stopped and they fell silent for several moments. One of the dogs whined.

“For what it’s worth, I did try to tell him you were still alive. The year after you’d recovered, I felt guilty about it, so I tried to call him. But his number had been disconnected. I sent him a letter telling him about my deception, but it was returned addressee unknown. Lieutenant Welsh had left the 27th district by then, and no one there knew where Ray’d gone. I tried to track him a few times, but eventually I gave up.”

Ben licked his lip and rubbed a knuckle across his brow.

“And you never saw fit to tell me?”

Now tears welled in Maggie’s eyes.

“I was ashamed, Ben. And I was afraid that if you knew what I’d done, you’d try to find him, and I didn’t want that. I didn’t want him breaking your heart again. Please try to understand that I was only trying to protect you.”

Ben nodded, looking at his hands for a moment.

“He has slash scars on his wrists,” he told her simply, raising his eyes to meet hers in a steady stare.

She looked away, flushing. “I figured that’s what you’d found,” she admitted. “Ben, I am so sorry. I didn’t know. I didn’t realize...” She trailed off helplessly.

Ben took a deep breath.

“I understand why you did what you did. I understand your reasoning for making the choices that you made. I understand that you had what you thought to be my best interests in mind,” he began evenly. “However, no matter how noble your intentions, I cannot condone your actions. It was deceitful, cruel and hateful, and I cannot believe that you had such dishonesty in you.”

Maggie nodded, tears slipping out of her eyes. “I know. I know.”

Ben rubbed his eyebrow again and cracked his neck. “In time, I am certain, that I will forgive you. You are my only sister, and I do... love you, and I love your children as if they were my own. However, I am very angry right now, and I am faced with a lot of questions of what might have been if you had trusted me a little bit more...”

“It was never a matter of trust Ben...”

He stopped her by putting up a hand, willing her to be silent.

“If you had trusted me a little bit more,” he continued. “You made decisions concerning my welfare that caused you to lie to someone who, at one time, was closer to me than anyone has ever been. No matter what had transpired between us, you should not have kept him from me.” He took another deep breath, remembering, opening, letting her see the depth of his pain.

“I needed him, Maggie. I wanted him desperately. All that time when I was recovering, I would stare out my hospital window and pray for Ray to come to me. Wondering why he didn’t call, how he could not have known of my accident. If you had only asked me, I would have told you my wishes. If you had told me that he had called, I would have told you to send for him. You took that choice from me, from both of us, and it may have had dire consequences.”

“I know. I understand that,” she agreed.

“I think that it is going to take some time for me... for Ray and I to... sort things through. I think it would be best if we were left alone during that time period,” he said.

“I agree. The children too?”

Ben nodded. “While I will miss them terribly, I think for the moment, that would be best. Do you think they will understand?”

“I can make them understand, Ben. They adore you, and they will miss you terribly too, but if I explain to them that you are caring for a sick friend, they will understand.”

“Thank you.”

Maggie bit her lip and looked at her brother. “You know I did it because I love you, don’t you, Ben?”

“I know. And that makes this both easier and harder to bear.”

The dogs heard something outside and started to bark. They had just turned to face the barn door when Robert came running in.

“Uncle Ben! Uncle Ben! Come quick!”

He was out of the barn and almost to the cabin before Maggie even had time to close the barn door. He rushed in to find Ray with one wrist handcuffed to the bed, writhing, screaming, while the girls tried to keep him from hurting himself.

“He started to fight the blankets and he wouldn’t calm down. He kept trying to leave, so I had to restrain him,” Caroline tried to explain through her sobs. “But when I handcuffed him, he went crazy. He kicked Annie by accident...”

Ben nodded and moved swiftly to the bed, placing both hands on Ray’s shoulders.

“Ray! Ray Ray Ray Ray Ray Ray Ray,” he repeated over and over until Ray turned his wild, panicked eyes on him.

“Fraser! Fraser, Fraser!”

“You must calm down, Ray. You must stop struggling, Ray. No one is going to hurt you.”

“Frrraaassserrrrrrr!”

Ben climbed onto the bed and wrapped Ray in a full body hug, whispering words of comfort while effectively immobilizing him until Ray’s struggles grew less and less frantic.

“Caroline, the key, please,” Ben asked his niece and she scrambled to give it to him.

“Ray? I’m going to unlock the handcuffs now, Ray. Do you understand?”

A small nod was his answer and he breathed a sigh of relief. Carefully, he unlocked the cuffs, easing up enough so that Ray could turn away and curl into a fetal ball. He settled in behind the shivering figure, wedged against the wall, and wrapped his arms around Ray.

“All right now, Caroline, Ann, your mother is going to take you back home now and I’m going to care for Ray,” he told them as Maggie came back in with Robert.

“Are you going to be all right, Uncle Ben?” Caroline asked, worried.

Ben nodded. “I’ll be fine. Ray just needs some time.”

“Should we come by after school tomorrow?”

“No, Caroline. I think it’ll be a few days before the three of you can come over. I need to be alone with Ray. We haven’t seen each other for 14 years and we need to talk.”

It was clear that Caroline did not like the idea of her uncle being left alone with this newcomer.

“I’ll be fine, Caroline. I promise, and if I need any assistance, I will call on the cellular phone.”

Finally, under the insistence of their mother, they filed out. Ben listened until heard the Jeep start up and drive away before returning his attention to Ray.

“Ray?”

“Yeah,” came the soft reply.

“Are you all right?”

“Yeah. Sorry. I just... I just can’t be tied down. Lots of... whatddya call ‘em? Negative associations.”

“I’m sorry, Ray.”

“Why am I half naked?”

“Ah... your clothes were wet from the snow. I thought it best to remove them before you caught a chill.”

“S’ok. I didn’t hurt anybody with my little freak-out, did I?”

Ben smiled in spite of himself. “Just a few bruises and some frayed nerves.”

“Oh great. Now they think I’m a total head case.”

“I doubt that. Perhaps just a moderate head case or half a head case,” he teased gently, falling back on their old habit of humor under stress.

“Stop trying ta make me feel better, Frase, it ain’t working.”

“I’m terribly sorry, Ray.”

He heard and felt Ray chuckle, then felt him shiver, little tremors running all through his thin frame. He held on tighter.

“God...” he heard Ray choke.

“It’s okay. It’s all right. I’m here.”

“God... Ben. Ben...”

He forced Ray to turn to face him and gathered Ray back into his arms, pressing his cheek against his collarbone.

“You’re alive,” Ray whispered, tucking in close.

“Yes,” he confirmed. “Maggie told me what she did. I’m... I’m so sorry, Ray.”

“Twelve fuckin’ years... I knew she hated me, but God I didn’t think she hated me that much.”

“She told me she tried to let you know, after I had recovered, but that she could not find you. You were no longer in Chicago. Your phone was disconnected.”

Ray was silent for a while, then he nodded. “Yeah. I... I wasn’t in Chicago for long after...”

Ben gently took one wrist and rubbed his thumb over the scars. Ray made a feeble attempt to pull away but gave up when Ben wouldn’t let him.

“Tell me?” Ben prodded softly. //Tell me how close I came to losing you forever.//

“Not much to tell.”

“These scars say otherwise.”

Ray shrugged. “You know the drill. Cop loses his best friend and partner, he gets kinda reckless. The Brass finds out and makes him go to the department shrink. Then cop finds out former best friend and partner is dead and goes off the deep end. People start to talk. Back-up’s a little late showing up, that kinda stuff. Cop does some stupid-ass shit that gets him suspended and put on desk duty. Shrink tells the Brass that an extended vacation is in order. Cop figures that the perps aren’t gonna conveniently off him so he decides to off himself. Cop fucks it up. Cop’s parents sign him into Happy Valley Loony Bin for his own good until he learns to spout what ‘rents and shrink wanna hear. Eventually cop gets out, only he’s now an ex-cop. S’ok, the cop was always good at fixing cars, and who wants to trust the guy with a gun anyway when there’s still a good chance he might eat it.

“Twelve years later, ex-cop finds out former partner and ex-best friend is alive and well and living in downtown Freezerland. Ex-cop goes to see what gives, and finds out it was ex-partner and best friend’s sister who told him ex-partner and best friend was dead, and ex-partner and best friend had no clue.

“Sum it up enough for ya?”

It took him a moment to find his voice. There was so much more to that story, so much that Ray didn’t say, but still it was enough; enough for him to get an idea of what the past twelve years had been like for Ray.

“How long?”

“How long what?”

“How long were you in the... the mental institution?”

“Eight years.”

Ben closed his eyes, blinking back tears. //Eight years...// Having spent a very short time as a patient in one such institution on an undercover case with Ray Vecchio, he knew too well how ‘difficult’ people were treated in those environments. Instinctively he drew the body next to him even closer, grabbing a fistful of the soft sweatshirt in his hand.

“Ray… Ray, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know…”

“Hey, not your fault, okay? How could ya have known you were yer own Lazarus Man?”

Ben smiled softly at the joke, but then sobered. “If I had known, I would have contacted you. You know that. No matter what… passed between us, I would never have done that to you.”

Blue eyes met blue eyes. “I know. An’ ya know if Maggie hadn’t… done what she did, I woulda been there for ya. I was ready, packed an’ everything. But nobody’d tell me where ya were. Security or some such shit.”

“Hmm.”

“Hmm what?”

“I think Maggie may have had something to do with that too.”

Ray sighed and ducked his head under Ben’s chin. “Yeah, I figured.”

“I’m sorry, Ray.”

“Stop apologizing, will ya? Fourteen years and yer still doin’ the guilt trip thing. Give it a rest, okay? I’m here, yer here, we’re both still breathing and in charge of most of our faculties. We’re good, okay?”

Trust Ray to put it so simply. “Under… understood.”

They were silent and Ray shivered. Ben drew the blankets up, trying to still the quaking.

“I looked for you, y’know,” Ray finally whispered.

“When?”

“After I got back and found out you’d… gone.”

“Ah.”

“Nobody’d tell me where you’d been posted. I even called Buck Whats-his-name.”

Ben smiled. “Frobisher,” he supplied. Buck had died eight years ago.

“When I finally managed to get a posting I was told you’d gone on six week patrol in East Bumfuck Empty and would be out of contact. After that, I was pulled to do another undercover gig since the Brass thought I did such a good job playin’ Vecchio. Was under for eight months. When I finally made the busts and got out, you’d disappeared again.”

He nodded. “I… had difficulty fitting into most of my postings. There were… problems.”

“Problems? With the RCMP’s Poster Boy?”

“I’m… I’m afraid my performance was less than stellar after I returned from Chicago. I made several transfers before I was assigned to Norman Wells working with Maggie. Her presence… helped.”

Ray made a small noise, then his hand reached up to grip Ben’s arm.

“I’m sorry you had a rough time of it.”

“It… it wasn’t your fault, Ray.”

“Yes it was.”

“No. I have never fit in easily…”

Ben felt him shake his head and squeeze his arm. “No. I was the one who made ya go. I was the one who freaked out and killed everything between us. It is my fault. If I hadn’t fucked it all up, you’d’ve never come back to Canada.”

Ben moved to protest, but Ray shifted until they were looking at each other again. Ray’s blue eyes were intense, focused.

“I waited 14 years to tell ya I’m sorry. I fucked up. I was wrong. I love you. It’s my fault I threw us away.”

Ben swallowed the lump in his throat. “It… it takes two to destroy a relationship, Ray. I was the one who left without a good-bye.”

“Yeah, but I was the one who made ya leave, who said all that nasty shit. I was so crazy mad about Stella and Vecchio havin’ kids that I just took it all out on you. You didn’t deserve that. You didn’t deserve any of it, but I hit ya with both barrels.”

Ray looked away again.

“God, I fucked up so bad. I knew it too, knew it while I was doin’ it but it was like I couldn’t stop. I knew I was tearing ya to pieces, tearing us to pieces, but it was like I wasn’t in control of my mouth anymore. Later, when I was driving, I couldn’t believe I’d said all that shit to you. By the time I’d gotten enough courage to face you, you’d packed up your stuff, taken Dief and scrammed. And I didn’t blame you one bit.”

Before Ben could say anything, Ray spoke again. “For the longest time, I told myself that I shouldn’t even try to find you because you were right to leave me, that I didn’t deserve you. I threw you away, threw us away because I was torqued off about my ex-wife. I was the world’s biggest fuck-up. What right did I have to ask you to come back to me after what I did? Then… then I heard about the explosion and you getting hurt.”

“How did you hear about that, Ray?” Ben questioned.

“Turnbull of all people. He called me from Ottawa. I think he always knew about… y’know, you and me. Sometimes he’d say stuff that made me wonder if he hadn’t figured it out. Anyway, he called me one night and told me you’d gotten hurt real bad in an accident. He gave me Maggie’s number and told me to call. So I did.” Ray drew a shuddering breath. “And that’s when… when she told me you’d… you didn’t make it.”

The tremors came back and Ben saw that Ray was fighting tears.

“About a… a week later I got the copies from Maggie.”

Ben moved one hand so he could cup Ray’s cheek. “Ray…”

“I… I just… freaked, y’know. Got really reckless on the job. I knew I was tryin’ ta get myself killed. Too much of a chicken shit ta do it myself. Had one too many close calls and the Brass pulled me in for a pysch review. Took my gun, took my badge, the whole nine-yards. Desk-duty for you, young man. So I said, fuck em all, took my knife and made Swiss Cheese outta my arms.”

Ray paused, still quivering. “Mom found me. God I wished I’d just died so I wouldn’t’ve had to face her. She and dad signed me in to Sierra Tucson as soon as I was well enough to leave the hospital.”

Tears leaked out from the corners of Ray’s eyes and Ben wiped them away with his thumb.

“After I got out, I couldn’t go back ta bein’ a cop, so I took up fixin’ cars. Life was okay. I lived with Mom and Dad until they died and the house got sold. Then I moved into a little one-bedroom apartment.”

He stopped again, gathering momentum. Ben waited, knowing that Ray needed to tell the rest of his story.

“Then last month I was in Chicago on business. I’m eating a burger at some dive diner and who should walk in but Turnbull. ‘Detective Kowalski!’ he says and joins me, spouting off something about him being the head guy at the Consulate, and what brings me to Chicago, and why wasn’t I at your retirement party. And I was like ‘What? Who’s retirement party? Fraser’s dead. I got the obituary.’ And then he proceeds to tell me that not only are you alive, you’re some big wig Mountie guy who just retired with full honors, twenty-one gun salute and the whole shebang. Talk about a life altering experience. So I get the skinny from Turnbull, scram back to Arizona, cash in a couple of bank accounts and hop the first plane to Freezerland.”

Ben took the opportunity to speak the next time Ray paused for breath.

“Well, actually, it was only a twelve gun salute, Ray.”

Ray stared at him as if he had grown a second head. Then he started to laugh, a short, barking laugh that degenerated quickly into sobs as tears began to flood from Ray’s eyes. Ben took the opportunity to hug Ray again as he wept, trying to hold back his own tears. He heard broken words half-spoken between sobs. Words like ‘love’ and ‘wasted’ and ‘sorry,’ all serving to undo him until they were both crying helplessly, clinging to each other on the bed.

Minutes, hours later, when there were no more tears to cry and they’d suffocate if they didn’t blow their noses soon, they pulled apart. Ben reached into the bedside table and pulled out a clean handkerchief, offering it to Ray. Ray nodded in thanks and blew his nose loudly as Ben cleared his own nostrils in a second cloth.

“Sorry,” Ray apologized. “It’s the drugs they got me on. They make me all weepy, but the doc figures since I don’t wanna jump off buildings anymore, it’s doing okay.”

“Drugs, Ray?”

“Yeah. They say I’m bi-polar, kinda manic-depressive. Got some stuff for it.”

“Ah.”

Ray cracked a small smile. “Shoulda seen the look on the guy’s face when I told him bi-polar wasn’t the only bi I was.”

Ben smiled back and they enjoyed a moment of peaceful silence until Ray bowed his head again.

“Look, I… uh. I meant what I said about bein’ sorry, about being wrong. I’m sorry, Ben. I’m sorry I hurt you so bad.”

Ben licked his bottom lip. “I wish I could say that my accepting your apology will make everything better…”

“No. No I don’t think that, Ben, I…”

Ben shushed him gently.  “That my accepting your apology will make everything better, but it is a beginning and more than we have had in a very long time. I understand now that what I had thought to be your complete abandonment of me in my time of need, was anything but. I know now that you did not deliberately refuse to come to my side.”

Ray stared at him in disbelief. “You thought I knew about your accident and stayed away on purpose.”

Ben flushed and nodded, rubbing his eyebrow. “Shamefully, yes, I did. And it was that perceived refusal that fueled my long resentment of you. It was what kept me from contacting you once I had recovered. Had I known what Maggie had done…”

“The argument woulda been moot ‘coz I would been wit ya already. ”

“Agreed. Still. I was very… angry and hurt when you did not come to see me in the hospital.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

“I have come to understand that it was not your fault.”

Ray shrugged. “I coulda pushed harder, done a little more digging…”

“One does not expect to be lied to in such a manner. The fact that Maggie went to the lengths that she did in falsifying the obituary is something I have yet to come to terms with.”

“Ya still speaking to each other?” Ray asked worriedly.

Ben nodded. “For the moment. I am, however, frankly, furious with her. She deeply hurt both of us, and her actions could have resulted in your death. It will take me a long time, I think, to forgive her.”

Ray let out a pent up sigh and bowed his head. “I hate to say it, but I’m glad to hear that. For a little while there, I thought…”

“You thought I might have known all along and condoned her actions.”

Ray nodded guiltily. “Yeah. Pretty fucked up, huh?”

“I think that aptly describes this entire situation, Ray.”

Ray flinched and seemed to sag, and Ben didn’t know exactly what part of his last statement had caused the other man to react so.

“Yeah. It is,” Ray agreed sadly. His voice sounded defeated. “Well. I guess I’d better be going. My clothes dry yet?”

Ben cast a glance at the pair of sodden jeans that was still lying in a heap on the wood floor.

“I doubt it.”

“Don’t matter. I got clothes at the hotel.”

Ray eased himself to his feet and bent to pick up the jeans. Ben watched him, confused.

“You’re staying at a hotel, Ray?”

“Yeah, until tomorrow at least.”

“And then you’re leaving?”

Ray gave him an odd look. “Well, yeah, I figured I would see if I could get a flight out ASAP.”

The words stung and Ben stiffened. “Well, yes, well… if you feel you must leave so soon…”

Ray gave him another look, his face tight. “Did you, or did you not just tell me this situation was entirely fucked up?” he said, a slight edge to his voice.

Ben blinked. “Well, yes, but I was referring to our false assumptions…”

Ray made a sharp gesture. “Okay, okay. Let’s try this. Do you or do you not want me to leave?”

Ben stared at him, his heart pounding in his chest and it took him a moment to find his voice. “No,” he whispered breathlessly. “No, I do not want you to leave.” //Don’t ever leave.//

Ray sighed with relief. “Okay, okay. I thought you were telling me that us bein’ here in the same room was fucked up.”

“Oh no, Ray. I didn’t mean that at all. I’m sorry that you took it that way.”

“It’s okay. We worked it out, got on the same page.”

Ben’s eyes lit up when he heard the phrase. “Yes, Ray, we did. And I… I would like to continue to… be on the same page with you. Please stay?”

Ray smiled softly. “Yeah, okay.”

Still pants-less, Ray shivered in the cool room. Ben patted the bed.

“Would you like to come lie down again, Ray?”

Ray shook his head. “Nah, if I lay down, I’ll probably pass out on you again. It’s been a long day and I’m really feelin’ it now.”

“I wouldn’t mind if you slept.”

“I would. If I went to sleep now, I wouldn’t wake up until tomorrow morning.”

“So?” He did his best to put on what Ray Vecchio had always called the ‘Big Eyed Mountie’ look.

“So I’d take up yer bed and wake up with morning breath and rumpled clothes and no running water.”

Ben gave Ray a severe look. “My cabin has running water, Ray, and a fully operational bathroom. It’s even wired with electricity.”

Ray blinked. “Really?”

“Really.”

“Isn’t that, like, against the rules or somethin’?”

“Not that I’m aware of, Ray.”

Ray fell silent for a moment, looking at Ben, then he sighed.

“Plus I don’t got my medication.”

“That is a problem.”

“So I really gotta go back...”

“What hotel are you staying at?”

Ray did a double take. “Uh... the Mackenzie Valley Hotel.”

Ben beamed. “Excellent. I know the owner. He’ll be more than willing to send someone out with your things. I’ll call and ask him.”

He stood and went to get his cellular phone.

“Uh, Fraser, Fraser, Fraser! Fraser! BEN!”

Ben halted in mid-dial. “Yes, Ray?”

Ray looked uncomfortable. “Are you sure you want me to stay here? I mean...”

“Yes, Ray,” he answered without hesitation.

“But Ben, we ain’t seen each other in fourteen years...”

A cold thought crept its way up Ben’s spine. “Do you... do you not want to stay here with me, Ray?”

“It’s not that I don’t want to stay with you, Ben. I’m just...”

Ben put the phone down and looked steadily at his ex-lover. “I want you to stay here with me, Ray. If you’ll agree to it.”

“Oh. Well, okay then. If ya don’t mind...”

He began to dial again. “I don’t mind. In fact, to be perfectly frank, I don’t want to let you out of my sight.”

Ray smiled at that and came close. “Afraid it’s just a dream for you too, huh?”

He nodded and swallowed the lump that suddenly lodged in his throat, before speaking to the person who answered the phone. Two minutes later, arrangements were made for Ray’s things to be brought out to the cabin by nightfall.

“There. All taken care of,” Ben said, putting an arm around Ray’s shoulders and guiding him back to the bed. “Now, lie back down and get warm. You’re shivering.”

Ray did as asked and Ben tucked him in under the blankets. “There, snug as a bug.”

“Only you would use that saying, Ben. I haven’t heard ‘snug as a bug’ in decades,” Ray commented sleepily.

Ben gave a soft laugh and stroked Ray’s short hair, noting that the blond was fading to gray, unlike his own hair that was peppered with shocks of white at his temples and brow.

“I have to go finish chopping the wood, Ray. Then I’ll make us a stew. You rest and keep warm, I’ll wake you when dinner is ready.”

Ray made a noise that sounded like an agreement and burrowed further under the blankets. It was obvious to Ben that Ray was much more fatigued then he originally had thought. Even at the age of 53, Ray could still hide his weaknesses. He always was deceptively strong. Now, as he let his guard down, Ben could see the lines of exhaustion and stress on Ray’s face. He sat on the bed until he was certain Ray was asleep before getting up to go chop the remaining wood.

 

A noise woke Ben from sleep; unused to having overnight company, he was hypersensitive to the sounds of his guest. He was glad of it though, because Ray appeared to be having a nightmare. Climbing out of his bedroll, he stood and walked the two steps to the bedside. In the ambient light from the bathroom lamp he could see that Ray was tossing restlessly and mumbling in his sleep. It appeared that he was attempting to resist some type of restraints. Ben could see him weakly pulling, as if his arms could barely move. He wondered if this was one of those ‘negative associations’ Ray had mentioned, and speculated as to where he might have forged those associations.

Unwilling to allow Ray to continue his phantom struggles, he reached out to shake the other man lightly.

“Ray. Ray, Ray, Ray, Ray,” he whispered, punctuating each call with a little nudge.

Ray’s eyes flew open, the pupils dilated, and it seemed that he was disoriented. Ben hurried to soothe him to keep him calm, not wanting to let the fear from the dream enter into the waking world.

“Ben?”

“Shhh. Yes. It’s me.”

Ray blinked and shook off sleep, his brow furrowing. “What’s wrong? What’s happening?”

“You appeared to be having an unpleasant dream.”

“Oh. Did I wake you?”

“I’m afraid so.”

Ray frowned. “Sorry.”

“It’s all right. I’m not a very heavy sleeper.”

“That, and you got Bat Ears.”

Ben smiled. “That too.”

“So, was I... uh, talking in my sleep, or somethin’?”

“You appeared to be struggling, Ray. As if you’d been restrained.”

Ray looked grim, and nodded. “Yeah, I have nightmares like that sometimes.”

“Do you have nightmares often, Ray?”

“Not nearly as much as I used to. But thanks for your concern.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. Not your fault.”

“I’m still sorry.”

Ray managed a small smile, but then it faded, and his eyes grew a little haunted. Ben immediately responded to the lost expression on Ray’s face.

“What is it, Ray?”

“Could you... do you think you...”

“Yes, Ray?”

“Do you think you could stay up here with me, keep me company?”

“If you think it would help.”

Ray nodded. “Yeah, I think it would. For a long time this sweatshirt smelled like you. I used to wear it to bed because then it was like having you near. Mom finally washed it, and it didn’t smell like you anymore, but I still wore it to bed anyway.” 

Ben bit the inside of his mouth to keep himself from tearing up again. “Of course, Ray.”

Ray pulled aside the blankets, making room for Ben to climb in next to him.  They settled into a spoons position, Ray tucked into the curve of Ben’s body, with one of Ben’s arms around him.

“Bed’s a little bigger than your usual standard Mountie issue, isn’t it?” Ray noted.

“It’s what they call a super-single, Ray. It’s somewhat larger then the standard single person cot. After my accident, I found that I needed a little more room than my old bed afforded me,” Ben explained.

“Well it beats the hell out of the Salvation Army reject we stayed on that night in Aklavik, remember?”

A soft chuckle rumbled through Ben. “I remember.”

“I swore that thing was gonna collapse right under us.”

“It was sturdier then it looked, Ray.”

“It had to have been to have stayed together after we were finished fooling around on it. Couldn’t believe we could really get it on in a bed no bigger than a postage stamp and not end up breaking our necks.”

Ben felt his face heat from the flush. “From what I remember, our activities... proved not to be all that difficult. And the bed was a good deal larger then a postage stamp, Ray.”

“Easy for you to say, you weren’t the one counting the number of bolts that were creaking loose every time we moved.”

“There were exactly five loose bolts, Ray.”

“Huh? How’d you know that?”

“Because I tightened them up in the morning, Ray.”

“You did what?”

“Well I wasn’t about to leave the bed in a state of disrepair, Ray. That would have been rude, not to mention dangerous.”

Ben felt Ray shake his head slightly.

“Only you, Ben. Only you.”

They shared a laugh and a companionable silence. Ray shifted a little closer, bringing one hand up to hold the arm that was wrapped around his chest.

“God this feels good. I missed this so much. Not just the sex, but just you holding me. I think I missed that most of all. Not that the sex wasn’t the best, mind you. It’s just that... nobody ever held me the way you did, Ben.”

“I missed it too, Ray,” he managed to say.

They snuggled closer. Ben rested his nose in Ray’s hair, allowing himself to feel the solid warmth of Ray’s body next to his.

“I’m not coming on to ya, or nothin’. Couldn’t, even if I wanted to. The drugs I’m on give me limp dick.” 

“Ah. I see. Well... I have had... similar difficulties, since my accident.”

“Really?”

“I did suffer some nerve damage, Ray.”

“Oh, so like, you’re...”

“No Ray. I’m not... permanently impotent, but I do have difficulties on occasion, especially if I move the wrong way.”

“Well at least you can get it up sometimes. With me it’s been so long, not only do I do forget how, I forget why.”

Ben laughed at that, but did not comment.

“Just look at us. A couple of limp-dicked, old men, squished together in a single bed barely big enough for one. What have we come to?”

“Full circle?” Ben offered.

Ray took a moment to respond. “No. Not yet, but we’re gettin there.”

Ben let out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “Understood.” The softly, urgently, “I’m so glad you’re here, Ray.”

“Me too, Benton-buddy. Me too.”

Ben smiled to himself. “Go back to sleep, Ray. I’ll guard your rest.”

“You’ll be my dream catcher?”

“Yes.”

Ray gave a slight nod and relaxed in Ben’s embrace. “I still got that, y’know.”

“What Ray?”

“The dream catcher.”

“Ah. I see. I’m glad, Ray. Does it still work?”

Ray shook his head. “No. After you left, nothin’ worked. Hope I’m changing that now.”

“I hope so too Ray. Go on to sleep.”

“Nite, Ben.”

“Good night, Ray.”

 

Ben woke at dawn, confused for a moment as to the identity of the other occupant of the bed. Then the events of the previous day came flooding back, and he peered over at the sleeping face of his former lover.

//Ray.//

Ray was here, in his bed. Ray whom Maggie had lied to. Ray who had thought him dead these past 12 years. Ray who suffered at his own hands and the hands of those who sought to keep him from hurting himself. Ray who had lost everything.

//At least I still had my work, and Maggie. Ray had no one.// Guilt piqued his conscience and he frowned. //I should have tried to contact him. I knew better than to think he would knowingly abandon me. I was too caught up in my own pain and self-pity to recognize that.//

He tightened his hold on Ray, concerned at how thin Ray had become. Never very robust, now he was a wraith. Ben’s old sweatshirt dwarfed him even though it had shrunk with age. Ray woke immediately, his eyes flying open and his body tensing.

“Shhh. It’s just me,” he soothed.

Ray’s blue eyes met his over his shoulder. “Ben?”

“Yes. I’m sorry I woke you. I’m used to getting up at dawn.”

“You real?” came the soft answer.

“Yes,” he replied.

“I’m not dreaming?”

“No, Ray. Do you know where you are?”

Ray’s brow furrowed. “Canada?”

“Yes, Ray.”

“Oh. Okay then.”

Ray shifted and rolled to face him, his eyes shadowed.

“So, you okay with this?”

“With what?”

“With my bein’ here.”

Ben smiled. “Yes, Ray. I am ‘okay with it’ as you say.” //Very okay.//

Ray nodded, tucking his head under Ben’s chin. “Thought I was dreamin’,” he said lowly.

“If you are, then we are sharing the same dream.”

One arm reached up to circle around him and Ray’s lithe body cuddled close. “Mmm, nice dream. Don’t wake me up, ok?”

“I’ll have to in order to get up to feed the dogs.”

“Dogs?”

“Yes, Ray. I have a team. Five of them are direct descendents of Diefenbaker.”

Ray chuckled. “Do they talk back?”

“No. They don’t have any bad influences in their lives to make them stray.”

“As in me bein’ a bad influence.”

“As in junk food, chocolate…”

“Jelly donuts.”

Ben smiled. “Those too.”

“Poor dogs. They’re deprived.”

“Hardly, Ray.”

Ray shifted and then stretched.

“What time izzit?”

“Just past 6 Ray.”

Ray groaned, but lifted himself up and put his feet on the floor.

“Gotta go to the can,” he explained as he stood and shuffled to the bathroom.

He came out a few minutes later, rubbing his face and hair. Ben smiled at the sight, his heart full, but then he frowned.

“How long will you stay?” he asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.

Ray sat down on the bed. “Dunno. Didn’t think that far ahead. All I was thinking about was getting up here and seeing if you were really still alive.”

“And now that you see that I am?”

Ray shrugged. “I dunno. Still not thinkin’ that far ahead.”

“Ray…”

Ray stopped him with a hand on his arm. “Ben… we ain’t seen each other in 14 years. I dunno what we’re gonna do, or what’s gonna happen.”

Ben nodded. “Do you… do you have to go back right away? Do you have a job or other responsibility? Can you stay a while?”

Ray looked pensive, as if he was unsure about something, and his eyes darkened. “I… I dunno. It depends on how well we work things out, I think. We have issues, we gotta talk, see where we stand after all this time. And there’s other stuff too. You’re retired now, I’m sure ya got plans. Your sister still hates me. And I’m two screws short of a full box of nuts. Which reminds me… I didn’t take my meds last night.”

He got up again and began rummaging in his bag, pulling out several prescription pill bottles. He sat on the floor, opening the bottles and counting out pills into his palm.

“Well, in answer to the first two of your concerns: no, I don’t have any plans, and I really don’t care if my sister hates you,” Ben stated, leaving the bed and moving to get Ray a glass of water. “As for the other. I really can’t say what I think.”

He handed Ray the glass and began to inspect the medications. What he read disturbed him.

“Ray?”

“Yeah, Frase?” Ray answered, gathering his pills and downing them in one gulp.

“What are all these medications for?”

“Well, one’s for my bi-polar thingy, and another’s for depression. As for the others, I got no clue.”

“I see. Hmm.”

“Hmm? What’s hmm?”

Ben rubbed his eyebrow. “Well, I’m sure there is a legitimate reason for you to be taking these drugs...”

Ray proved that, even at fifty-three, he was still sharp. “But you disagree.”

“Well. Amazol is a known anti-depressant, but only recommended in severe cases,” he commented. “Quazine is another mood altering drug but it attacks different chemoreceptors in the hypothalamus. It could also be the cause of your impotence. Lithium, of course, is for your bi-polar disorder, but these remaining three… All of them are separate variants of the same type of drug, and Napozine… its side effects are… severe.”

Ray nodded. “I know. I only take that one two days before I go see my shrink so I’m sufficiently whacked for his approval. The rest if the time, I flush it. I do that with some of the others every now and then too, when I’m getting too muddy-headed. Some effect me worse than others, and some I take just coz I’m scared of what might happen if I don’t take ‘em.”

Ben didn’t like what he was hearing. “Ray, why are you on all of these drugs?”

Ray shrugged. “Better than the alternative.”

Ben’s eyes narrowed, picking up on all the things Ray wasn’t saying. “Which is?”

“Sierra Tucson or surgery.”

“What?”

Ray sighed and slumped his shoulders.

“Ray?”

“There’s… there’s stuff I haven’t told you… about my time in the bin. I… I ain’t in charge no more. I got an executor, a lawyer guy. He makes the decisions for me. I just go along. When we were first startin’ this whole gig, he gave me a choice: take my meds or get tossed back in the loony bin or go under the knife to ‘fix’ the problem.”

“And you didn’t contest that decision?”

Ray cast him a guilty look. “I couldn’t at the time, and by the time I was capable enough, it just wasn’t worth it to me.”

“Ray... I don’t think you understand. The regimen of medications that you are taking will actually cause mental instability, not cure it. Is there any money involved here? An insurance claim perhaps?”

“Only what I got from the Precinct. A couple of trust funds my mom and dad set up for me, and my savings.”

Ben pursed his lips. “Ray, I think this could be fraud. I think someone is trying to keep you from recovering.”

Ray nodded. “Yeah, I figured that a while ago, but I didn’t have the energy to buck the system. No point in it, y’know. I just took my meds like a good little psycho and everybody was happy.”

Ben knelt down next to him on the floor, a hand on his shoulder. “Except you.”

Ray shrugged again. “Didn’t make any difference until 2 weeks ago. I just didn’t care. Then I went to Chicago for training on a new machine the shop I work at bought, and ran into Turnbull. The rest you know.”

Ben thought for a moment. “Ray. If you have an executor, how were you able to come here?”

Ray cast him a guilty glance. “You don’t miss much, do you?”

He shook his head sadly. “I’m afraid not.”

Ray sighed. “See. It’s like this…” 

“You didn’t tell him.”

“No.”

“Ray…”

“Look. I know what I did, okay? I’m nuts but I ain’t stupid,” Ray snapped, then explained more calmly. “When Stella an’ I were on the rocks and it looked like we were gonna split, I opened up a couple of accounts under an alias I used in one of my undercover gigs. For insurance, I figured. Just in case she took everything. Well, I just let those accounts sit for years and years. Nobody knew I had ‘em, so when I lost control of all that stuff, I still had control of those accounts. So… when I planned this whole gig, I cashed ‘em in, packed up everything I thought I’d need in my car, and burned rubber getting out of there before anyone knew what was up.”

Ben took a moment to digest, his mind working. “You drove?”

Ray shook his head. “Only to Yellowknife. Took a plane from there. Left the car in the long term parking lot.”

“All under an assumed name?”

Ray grinned and pulled his wallet out of his jacket, fishing out a driver’s license and handing it to Fraser.

“Good old Martin Belzer. Martin’s a good guy,” he said with a wink.

“Ray, this license isn’t real.”

“Ah the wonders of desktop publishing and color printers, and our friendly relations with those nice people up North.”

Ben frowned then smiled. Ray always was resourceful.

“And you paid for everything in cash?”

Ray nodded. “Hardest to trace.”

Ben agreed. “How much do you have left?”

Ray did a quick mental tally. “$38,000 give or take a couple hundred.”

Ben blinked at him. “I’m assuming you didn’t claim that at the border.”

Ray gave him a look. “Now what do you think?”

“I think we may have a problem when it is discovered that you are missing. Did you tell anyone of your plans?”

“No.”

“Will anyone be looking for you?”

“Yeah. My executor will call the cops when I don’t show up for my weekly shrink appointment and when I don’t turn up.”

“And that will be?”

“Yesterday.”

Ben thought a moment. “Ray, this is very bad. It’s much like breaking parole. You will probably be sent back to the institution…”

Ray stopped him. “I know, Ben. I know. I knew what I was getting into when I skipped town. I knew the risk I was taking. But I had to. I didn’t have no choice. If I’d’ve told somebody, they would’ve stopped me. I couldn’t take that chance.”

Ben nodded. “How resourceful is your executor?”

“Dunno. I made it hard for him, but if he does some digging, he might turn up Turnbull’s name, or Maggie, and Maggie’s already seen me.”

“Right. Well. That means we probably don’t have much time. A few days at most if he moves quickly,” Ben noted, rising to his feet. He started pacing, cataloging things in his head.

“Well, I only just missed yesterday’s appointment. It’ll take them a couple of days to call in the hounds.”

“Agreed. Still. Even a day’s head start is useful, and we may have more than that.”

Ben pulled his backpack from the closet and began gathering supplies.

“Ben, what are you doing?”

“We need time. If they find you, you’ll be arrested and returned to Arizona. We need time to formulate a plan, to… decide on alternatives. If we head North, we can probably keep ahead of them for a considerable amount of time. There is sill heavy snow cover between here and Inuvik, and my dogs are fit and well trained.”

“What, you mean, go on the run?”

Ben paused. “Stall them.”

“Go on the run.”

“Delay their finding you,” he hedged.

“Go on the run.”

“Give us more time,” he amended.

“Go on the run.”

“Pursue alternatives.”

“Go. On. The. Run,” Ray reiterated firmly.

“Oh all right,” Ben capitulated. “Go on the run.”

“Thank you. Okay. Why?”

Ben stared at him. “Because if they find you, you’ll be sent back to Sierra Tucson.”

“I know that. Why are you gonna help me? If we do this, then they’ll be looking for you too.”

Ben gave him a calm look. “I know, Ray.”

“So? Why take the risk? How do you know I don’t belong in the loony bin?”

“Because I know you, Ray.”

“You knew me 14 years ago. People change, Ben. Maybe I’m not the man you used to know.”

Ben dropped his backpack, walked over to Ray, and kissed him firmly, bending over and cupping the back of his head to keep him from pulling away. Ray fought for all of a second then surrendered, rising up on his knees to get closer to Ben. A whimper escaped his throat and he gasped for breath when Ben released him.

“I know you, Ray. You haven’t changed. Only my Ray would drop everything, risk everything to follow a lead he wasn’t even sure was true. Only my Ray would be so impulsive and cunning. Only my Ray would go to such lengths for love,” he whispered harshly.

“Oh God Ben...”

Ben dropped to his knees and took Ray into his arms. Ray went willingly, holding him tight.

“It’s all right. We’ll get through this. I will protect you. I give you... I give you asylum,” he stated, rubbing his hands over Ray’s shoulders and hair.

Ray laughed at the pun, then grew serious. “I ran to you. I always ran to you.”

“And I always took care of you.”

“Always.”

“I’ll do it again.”

Ray pulled back, his eyes wet with tears, and kissed Ben. The kiss started sweet, then turned hungry.

“Bring me home, Ben,” Ray implored softly, breathing into the full, parted lips.

“You are home, Ray.”

 

*************** 

Maggie Evans nee MacKenzie crouched low by the side of the cabin. She didn’t want to take the risk of the occupants prematurely detecting her presence. Her quarry had eluded her for months, taking her on a three thousand mile chase that lasted through the brief arctic summer and into the autumn. Snow had already begun to fall.

It was probably the weather that finally brought her prey in from the wilds. She knew the one would not survive the bitter winter out on the empty ice floes of the Territories. Even with modern day technological advances, the Arctic Circle still remained a cold and inhospitable place to live. In this case, the climate had worked in her favor, flushing her quarry out into the open. But it only served to prove her suspicions correct.

She had long ago ceased to believe the story of Stanley Ray Kowalski kidnapping her brother in some kind of psychotic rampage. The very fact that Ben’s cabin had been left neat and orderly, that all of the necessary supplies were missing, and the dogs as well, suggested otherwise. Combined with the skill with which the pair had disappeared, all pointed to Ben being an active participant in his own abduction. Still, she tracked them steadily across the tundra, bent on bringing Ray in.

Six months had passed and the trail had led her deeper into the wilderness than she had ever been, following the path of a man who had made the wild his home years ago. Ben was a skilled survivalist and he knew the land well. Plus she was certain that he had the help of the local tribes. Too often she had followed leads into small Native settlements only to have her search stymied by uncooperative locals. It would seem that Ben had made many friends. Then two days ago, she heard of two white men settling into a one-room cabin on the outskirts of Yellowknife. The name on the renter’s lease was Benton Fraser.

For the first time she had concrete proof of Ben’s whereabouts, but she wondered what it meant. Ben wasn’t reckless. He also wasn’t stupid. He had to know that Ray was being hunted. To sign a lease in his own name had to mean something, but she hadn’t figured out what.

She approached cautiously, after dark, and allowed herself the risk of peering in the window. What she saw shocked her, and further proved that her brother was anything but an unwilling participant.

They were making love by candlelight. Ray lay on his back, legs spread and held high as Ben thrust between them, into his lover’s body. The look on his face was one of pure pleasure as Ray’s hips rose to meet him on each thrust. He stroked Ray with his fingers and leaned down to kiss him. Their tongues dueled. Ray’s hands came up to grip Ben’s shoulders, then Ben bent his head down to lick and suckle Ray’s breast. Ray arched up, throwing his head back. He cried something but she couldn’t hear it through the closed window.

It seemed they’d been engaged for a while since both of them were flushed and covered in sweat. Her mouth went dry and her heart pounded in her chest as she watched them. It was slow and seemed to take a long time, but that was probably due to both men’s age. Still, it was obvious that both men were very much enjoying themselves, and very much into each other. When the pinnacle finally came, both climaxed within a few seconds of each other, Ray spurting his semen onto his stomach while Ben released himself inside his lover. They seemed suspended in time for a brief moment, then Ben lowered himself onto Ray’s body as Ray relaxed his legs. They stayed entwined for about four minutes and Maggie could see them breathing heavily until Ben slowly pulled away.

She watched as he rose from the bed, still naked and sweaty, and disappeared from her view, presumably into the cabin’s bathroom. She noted that he looked good, very fit and muscular in spite of the numerous scars left by his accident. In fact, she could say that he looked the best he’d ever looked since he was released from the hospital. While she knew he had recovered enough to resume most of his duties, he had never achieved the levels of physical fitness and health that he had enjoyed before. Now it seemed that he had regained what he had lost.

//In more ways than one,// she thought to herself.

Seeing him now, she knew the full depth of her deception and the repercussions of her actions. He came back into her field of vision, carrying a wet cloth that he used to clean up his lover. Ray stretched for him, turning so Ben could thoroughly wipe him down, drawing her attention.

He also looked good, in a lean sort of way. Nowhere near as robust or broad as Ben, she could see that he had developed muscle and gained weight. He looked healthy. Content as well. They both looked content. Ben finished his clean-up and gave Ray a deep kiss before leaving to dispose of the cloth. He came back, blowing out most of the candles, leaving one large jar candle burning, and climbed into bed. Ray moved into his arms and he tucked Ray in next to him, one protective arm around him, then he covered them both with the blankets.

She waited for several minutes, counting softly to herself, before making her way to the front door. Gingerly, she tried the knob. It was unlocked. Typical of her brother, but yet it made her wonder. Did they know she was there? Were they expecting to be found? Uncertain, she put one hand on her gun as she carefully opened the door.

It slid open almost silently and she breathed a sigh of relief as neither occupant of the bed moved. She closed the door behind her and made her way into the room proper, coming close to the bed. In one hand she held her handcuffs, in the other she pulled out her gun. The gun slid from its holster with a snick.

Ben rose, sitting up suddenly, his eyes alert and glittering. She aimed at him, her hand trembling.

“If you’re going to pull a gun on a naked, unarmed man, Maggie MacKenzie, you had better be prepared to use it,” he said, his voice hard.

His tone surprised her. He had never spoken to her in such a way, but then she realized that she had never seen this Ben before. This was the ‘I am protecting my lover and none shall harm him’ Ben.

“I’m here to take Ray in Ben.”

“I’m well aware of that.”

Ray moved then, showing her that he, too, was awake and aware.

“Been wondering when you were gonna show up,” Ray commented.

“Put the gun down, Maggie,” Ben ordered.

Her arm faltered. How could he be naked and unarmed but still in control of the situation? She steeled her resolve and did not put the gun down.

“He’s coming with me.”

“Of course. After you put the gun down.”

She did not obey. Lightning fast, Ben whipped a gun from under the bed pillow and had it aimed at her head. Now she wondered who was the psychotic here.

“Ben. Ben, don’t make me do this. I don’t want to hurt you,” she begged.

“You won’t. I could outshoot you blindfolded. You threaten me, you threaten my lover. Now unless you want this situation to escalate, I suggest you disarm yourself. Now.”

Maggie lowered the gun. Ben did the same.

“Stanley Raymond Kowalski, I am placing you under arrest for the kidnapping of Benton Fraser. I am also acting on a Mental Warrant issued by the state of Arizona for your return. You are to come with me and be remanded to Mental Health where you will be extradited to the United States,” she said.

“I am not a captive. I will not press charges. Without the kidnapping charge, he cannot be charged with a felony. This is merely a case of missing persons,” Ben stated calmly.

“Ben, this man is psychotic and a danger to himself and to others.”

“You haven’t checked in wit’ yer boss in a few days, have ya?” Ray commented.

He was too calm. They were both too calm. Something was going on here.

“No,” she admitted.

“Then perhaps you would like to call him. No doubt he has some things to tell you,” Ben suggested.

“My cell is broken,” she answered. It was. Most electronics still didn’t handle icy water all that well.

“Use ours. It’s on the dresser behind you.”

Her eyes narrowed. “What’s going on?”

“I am merely attempting to tell you that the situation has changed. Ray has been reevaluated and some… differences of opinion have arisen,” Ben explained.

“What? How? He’s a ward of the state. No reevaluation would be accepted by the courts unless mandated by his executor,” she argued.

“I requested the reevaluation,” Ben replied.

“Ben, you don’t have that power.”

“As Ray’s legal spouse, I have the right to request reevaluation. Also by Canada Civil Union Law, I automatically assume the responsibility of his affairs should he be deemed incompetent.”

Her jaw dropped. “Legal spouse? Ben, are you telling me you and Ray are married?”

Ray flashed his left hand, displaying the wedding ring on his ring finger. “We tied the knot in Tuktoyuktuk four months ago. Lovely little Inuit ceremony. Too bad you couldn’t make it. We woulda saved ya some ice cream cake, but…”

“Ray,” Ben reprimanded, then he turned to his sister. “Yes, Ray and I are married. Under Canada Civil Union Law, we now have all the rights and privileges afforded to heterosexual couples.”

“Paperwork came through last month,” Ray added. “Which was good too, coz I was gettin’ tired of honeymooning in Winter Wonderland.”

“Yes. It was necessary to… assure that Ray eluded capture until all of the necessary forms were cleared and I was officially his legal partner. Now that everything has been properly filed and recorded, we must establish residency in order for Ray to be evaluated by an appointed psychiatrist. I think he will come to the same conclusion that the psychiatrist in Chicago determined twelve weeks ago.”

“Chicago?!” Maggie exclaimed.

“We’ve been to Chicago twice. We were attempting to discover why it appeared that Ray was purposefully being kept mentally unstable. Since no real money was involved and no one stood to gain anything financially, it was clear there were other motives. During our first trip to Chicago, we explored the possibility of a connection to one of his cases. We found a possible link between the executor of Ray’s affairs and a Chicago organized crime boss whom Ray arrested in 2003. Our second trip confirmed the conspiracy. Inspector Turnbull and Lieutenant Besbriss were most helpful in our investigation,” Ben detailed reasonably.

“In other words, I was setup by a guy I took down thirteen years ago,” Ray said.

“Yes. It would appear that Mr. DeSantis still had connections to the outside world. And when he heard of Ray’s… difficulties, he decided to capitalize on them and affect his revenge.”

Maggie shook her head. “I don’t believe any of this.”

Ben gave her a hard and grim stare. “You know I don’t lie.”

The words were said with coldness, with emphasis on the last one, and she knew exactly what he wasn’t saying. She swallowed hard, then a thought struck her.

“Wait a minute. You’ve been missing for six months. You said you’ve been to Chicago twice; been to see doctors. Now you’ve rented this cabin. All of your accounts have been monitored and locked. Where are you getting this money?”

Ray gave her a wry grin. “I cashed in a nest egg no one knew I had.”

“Ray had… investments under an assumed name. Prior to his coming to see me, he emptied those accounts. It amounted to a… a substantial sum. We’ve been paying expenses with that, converting it to Canadian funds when necessary and using American dollars when possible.”

“Nobody ever said mama Kowalski’s son was a dummy,” Ray added.

“I can see that,” Maggie commented, realizing that she had underestimated the blond man.

“If you’ll call your superior, he will tell you that the Mental Warrant on Ray has been suspended pending further investigation,” Ben informed.

“Call came in Tuesday. We gotta stay put so we rented this place,” Ray said.

“Yes. Ray is required to remain in contact with the Yellowknife authorities, and be available for questioning. He also has an appointment with a court-sanctioned psychiatrist on the 19th. Believe me, Maggie, the only reason you have found us is because it is now safe for you to do so,” Ben told her.

Maggie turned and picked up the phone. While she called and spoke to her commanding officer, she noted that her brother and Ray were moving about the cabin. Ben dressed fully and put on a kettle for tea while Ray merely pulled on a set of sweats and pair of socks. When she finished speaking with Sergeant Banks, she hung up and faced them. They were by the stove, standing side-by-side, talking quietly. Ray had one arm loosely around Ben’s waist while Ben fussed over the kettle and tea. She said nothing as Ben deftly prepared three cups of tea and moved them to the table. They sat down, Ray and Ben together on one side with her on the opposite side. She took a sip of her tea.

“I’ve been reassigned,” she said finally.

Ben nodded.

“I’m to leave for Norman Wells in the morning.”

“When all of this is over, we will come back to my cabin. Until then, we’ll be staying here or wrapping up Ray’s affairs in Arizona.”

“You’ll be staying in Canada then?”

Ray nodded. “Yeah. For now. Ain’t nothin’ in the States for me anymore. But I dunno about spending winter in a cabin. Maybe Ben and I’ll get an apartment in town or something for the real cold months.”

Ben sniffed. “My cabin is quite warm in winter, thank you very much.”

“Yeah, for you Mr. ‘I’ve got am extra layer of subcutaneous fat,’ not for scrawny city-slickers like me.”

Ben gave Ray a warm look that said that this was a familiar argument. “You are anything but scrawny, Ray.”

Ray humphed and sipped his tea.

“How are the children?” Ben asked suddenly.

“They’re fine,” she replied. “They miss you. Robert keeps asking me when you’ll be back.”

Ben sighed. “I miss them too. Tell them I will be home as soon as possible, but that I must stay here for now. If it looks as if we will be here for an extended period of time, perhaps you could bring them to visit.”

She gave him a hard look. “I don’t think so.”

“Understood.”

They finished their tea in tense silence, then Maggie rose to leave.

“Well. Since I need to leave for Norman Wells in the morning, I guess I’ll get into town before it’s too late to get a room.”

“As you wish,” Ben said, rising with her.

He put his hand on her shoulder as they walked to the door.

“I’ll see you when we get back. We’ll... talk,” he told her softly.

She looked at him, fighting the sudden urge to cry. “All right. I’m... I’m glad you’re safe, and happy. You look happy.”

Ben smiled. “I am happy.”

She nodded and looked away. “I am sorry, Ben.”

“I know. And we’ll talk. I do love you, Maggie. Don’t ever doubt that.”

She swallowed and gave him a last glance. “Tell him I’m glad for him too.”

“I will.”

“Good-bye Ben.”

“Good-bye, Maggie. We’ll see you soon.”

“I’ll tell the children that you were asking for them.”

“Thank you.”

“Good luck.”

She gave him a small smile and stepped out of the cabin, into the night. She turned to look back for a moment and saw Ben blow out the last candle.

 

The snow crunched loudly underfoot as he made his way. He was sweating under his numerous layers of clothing and his burden, but the exercise felt good. The wind had lessened and the clouds had broken for the first time in days. Now was the time to get things done before the weather turned bad again. Now was the time to hunt, and chop wood, and gather winter food plants. Now was the time to be productive. So why was he now following the sound of laughter?

“Arrgghhh!” shouted a man’s voice, followed by gleeful giggling.

He cleared the trees and was instantly barraged.

“Uncle Ben, Uncle Ben, Uncle Ben!!”

Three furies of snow and joy descended upon him, besieging him with snowballs. He ducked, dropping the rifle and gutted carcass he carried, protecting his face as they pummeled him.

“Agh! Is this any way to treat the man who brought your dinner?” he asked as they pounced on him.

They didn’t answer directly, their laughter echoing in his ears until Ray pushed his way through them.

“Hey! Hey! Hey! Nobody’s got pouncing rights but me!” Ray exclaimed, joining the fray.

“This is completely unbefitting of a man your age!” he cried.

“You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever!” Ray countered, throwing a snowball.

He was still recovering from the assault when Ray jumped him, arms coming around him and squeezing hard.

“Oof!” he grunted and fell to his knees.

Ray landed on top of him, a warm and welcome weight, and they landed in a tangled heap. They wrestled, snow flying and Ben found himself laughing in spite of his earlier ire. He looked up at Ray to see him framed by sunlight. He was radiant, his blue eyes shining and his face cracked into a huge grin. He gasped at the sight, his hesitation giving Ray the opportunity to straddle him and pin him to the ground.

“Hah! I win!!” Ray crowed.

He took a moment to catch his breath, then gave a wicked grin of his own.

“Are you sure about that, Ray?”

Ray’s smile faded as he recognized the gleam in Ben’s eyes.

“Oh, sh-- Mmph!” was all he managed as Ben flipped him and their positions were reversed, Ben’s mouth covering his lover’s.

“Language, Ray,” Ben chided.

“Sorry. When ya got 200 pounds of solid Mountie about to body slam ya, it kinda calls for an exclamation.”

“Indeed it might.”

Ray smiled. “Love you, Ben.”

The words warmed him to his very core. “And I you, Ray.”

“Couldya let me up? My ass is going numb.”

“Oh dear, I’m so sorry, Ray,” he apologized, releasing his lover and allowing him to stand.

“No yer not. Now I have to change clothes.”

Ben gave him a sly look then frowned at the three flushed, happy and mischievous faces watching them. Ray followed his gaze and sobered, then Ben saw him mouth the word ‘later’ to him and give him a little wink.

“Wow! Lookit the size of the caribou Uncle Ben caught!” Robert exclaimed.

“Look at, look at the size of the caribou,” Ben corrected. “Proper grammar and diction always Robert Evans.”

“Yes, Uncle Ben.”

“Don’t worry, Robbie. I’ll still teach ya Chicago slang when Miss Manners ain’t around,” Ray said in a conspiratory whisper.

Robert laughed.

“You’re spoiling him, Ray,” Ben admonished.

“Hey, it’s what I do best. I even got Pearson and Trudeau eating junk food.”

“Thank goodness Tupper and Abbott have the strength of character to resist temptation,” Ben sighed.

Ray grinned. “I’ll break ‘em yet. They got more of their great-granddaddy in ‘em than you think! And what is it with you and naming yer dogs after Canadian Prime Ministers? I’m holdin’ you to yer promise to let me name the next one.”

“I shudder to think of what you will come up with.”

“Oh yeah. Garp. The next one I’ll name Garp.”

“How terribly unimaginative, Ray.”

Ray laughed and moved to pick up the carcass.

“Here, let’s take care of this. Maggie’ll be here soon ta pick up the kids,” he said, shouldering the heavy weight like a pro. Ray had grown much stronger over the course of his stay in Canada.

Picking up his rifle, Ben followed Ray to the storehouse where they hung the carcass so the meat could age. Once squeamish around the gory details of killing and gutting his own kills, Ray now barely blinked, although he knew his lover was glad he had dressed the carcass in the field. Still, Ray didn’t know he’d saved the entrails for the dogs.

He watched as Ray deftly skinned the hide from the body, setting it aside for later curing. Ray had fine, sure hands, and a delicate touch. His hides always came out soft and supple, and were in high demand, almost as high as native artisans’ on occasion. Ray had developed a reputation as a skilled tanner. Ben had never imagined that Ray would show such knack and talent for the trade, but the long process of scraping and stretching the hides made for something to occupy Ray’s time during the winter. Ray hated to be idle, and when it was too cold to fix engines, he spent long hours working with the skins until they met his standards. Then they would be sold or traded or used to make clothing for himself and Ben or another member of the family.

It had been four years since he and Ray were reunited. Next year he would be turning 60, Ray 58. Robert was now twelve, Ann sixteen, and Caroline would be going to college shortly after her eighteenth birthday. Ben could not be more proud of his lover or his nephew and nieces. Although things were still strained between his half-sister and lover, Maggie and Ray tolerated each other well in Ben’s presence. He knew Maggie had never forgiven Ray for how much he had hurt her brother, but it could also be said that Ray had never forgiven Maggie for her deception. Ben understood that their animosity ran deep, and that it was somewhat justified given the circumstances, so he did not lecture them on the virtues of forgiveness. He was content that they no longer insulted each other in his presence, and could tolerate being in the same room with each other for holidays and family gatherings.

His nieces and nephew were a different story. Caroline was pleasant and polite but distant. She, being the oldest, had a better grasp of the more complex issues. Still, she liked Ray, if only because he made her favorite uncle happy. Ann was friendly in a teenage-girl sort of way. She giggled a lot and tended to try to attract Ray’s attention. Robert, on the other hand, couldn’t decide who he liked more: Uncle Ben or Uncle Ray. He adored and idolized both of them, sometimes more than he did his own father, but Steven Evans was like Ben’s own father- rarely home and not very demonstrative. Robert found a dichotomy in his uncles. Ray was warm, open and expressive, while Ben was the strong, silent type. Both had their strengths.

Ben sighed, amazed by his own contentment, and smiled at his lover as they made their way to the cabin. Once inside, Ray immediately set to preparing the hide for tanning while Ben and the children handled the everyday tasks of bringing in wood and cooking a meal. Shortly after sundown, they heard Maggie’s Jeep pull up and she came in a few moments later, carrying some mail and a package.

“Hi, Ben, Ray,” she greeted, wiping her feet as she came in.

“Hey, Maggie,” Ray answered from where he sat cross-legged on the floor of his workspace.

“Welcome, Maggie. Dinner is almost ready. Will you and the children join us?” Ben offered. How she answered would tell him how much animosity she held towards his lover today.

“That sounds fine,” she said, taking off her coat and boots.

“Wonderful. Ann, please add another place to the table.”

“Sure, Uncle Ben.”

While Ben stayed in the kitchen area, he kept an eye on Maggie and watched her walk over to Ray.

“Here, these came for you today. I told Frank I’d bring them out,” she said, handing Ray the package and some letters.

“Thanks, Maggie,” he answered with genuine gratitude and set to tearing open the package.

“Oh, way cool! My new CDs arrived! Awesome!” he exclaimed, pulling several jewel cases from the box.

“Awesome,” Robert repeated.

“Here, Robbie, put this one on,” he said, handing the boy a CD.

“It isn’t boring elevator music, is it?” Robert asked, wrinkling his nose.

“Robert!” Maggie scolded, but Ray just grinned.

“Now would I put on boring music while you were here? You know I save the boring stuff fer when it’s just me and Ben. That’s the new Casa Del Fuego album.”

Robert lit up when he heard the name of a favorite Latin band and read the title.

“Oh, cool!”

As Ray opened the rest of his mail, the sounds of Latin guitar rolled out of the speakers of Ray’s stereo.

“Oh, hey, we got the renewal for Nation Geographic, Ben,” Ray called.

“Excellent. Put it with the monthly bills, Ray. I’ll pay it next week with the others.”

“Gotchya.”

“Hey, Ben, what can I help with?” Maggie asked, coming over to stand by her brother.

“You can prepare the beverages,” he replied with a warm smile.

The next few minutes were occupied with finishing off the meal preparations as each child was given a task to perform. When everything was ready, Ben turned off the stove and began handing pots to Caroline to be brought to the table.

“Come eat, Ray,” he called.

Ray didn’t answer, forcing him to look over at his lover. Ray was still sitting on the floor. He was reading a letter, but his face was pale.

“Ray?”

Still no answer and Ben crossed to him, concerned.

“Ray, what’s wrong?” he asked, kneeling beside his lover.

“It’s over,” the other man answered softly.

“What? What’s over?”

Ray handed him the letter and he read it quickly, unprepared for the shock and relief when it came.

“Ben? Is everything all right?” Maggie questioned, her voice oddly uncertain.

“It’s a judgement from the Arizona Board of Mental Health. Ray has been exonerated. They have accepted the 2018 ruling of the Superior Court, which found his former executor guilty of fraud and had him disbarred. All of Ray’s assets have been returned to his possession,” Ben replied.

“Only took ‘em two friggin’ years,” Ray complained.

“Be grateful, Ray. I’ve heard cases like this can take quite a lot longer.”

“Yeah, but I wasn’t expecting it, y’know. The case wasn’t supposed to be looked at for another 4 months.”

Ben folded the letter and put it back into its envelope. “Hm. It would seem they got to it ahead of schedule.”

“But it is good news, though,” Maggie noted as Ben offered a hand to Ray and they both stood.

“Hell, yeah,” Ray agreed.

“Good news, Uncle Ray?” Robert questioned, not really understanding.

Ray put an arm around the boy. “Yeah, Robbie. It means yer Uncle Ray is officially no longer a psycho.”

“And that’s good, right?”

“Yeah, it’s great. Greatness.”

“Congratulations, Ray,” Maggie said.

“Thanks, Maggie. Not that I won’t always be a few hazelnut crème tortes short of a full box of chocolates, but...”

“Let’s eat before the food cools,” Ben interrupted, guiding them towards the table.

Later that evening, after dinner had been eaten and the dishes cleaned and Maggie had left with the children, Ray settled in front of the fire while Ben wrote in his journal.

“Whatchya writin’, Ben?” he asked quietly.

“The events of the day as usual, Ray.”

“You writing about me being ex... exon... cleared?”

“Of course.”

Ray smiled and moved to retrieve the letter from the pile of the day’s mail. Then he returned and sat beside Ben on the couch.

“I should get a frame for this,” he said, unfolding it.

“I’m sure Ian’s will have one that suits your tastes,” Ben replied.

Ray nodded. “Yeah, I’ll take a look next time we go into town. Then we’ll hang it right there on the wall by my tanning stuff.”

“As you wish, Ray.”

“Stanley Ray Kowalski, Former Head Case. I only wish Mum and Dad were alive to see it.”

Ben smiled and jotted something down in his journal. After a moment, he noticed Ray was looking at him and smiling.

“Ray?”

Ray grinned. “Know what this means, Ben?”

Ben swallowed at the look in his partner’s eyes. “Ah. What, Ray?”

“It means I can leave Canada without bein’ afraid of gettin’ arrested.”

“Well, that hasn’t been a legitimate concern for quite some time, Ray...”

“It also means I can cash in some o’ those savings bonds and take us on a proper honeymoon,” Ray added with a leer.

Ben had the good sense to blush. “Ah. I don’t feel... deprived in any way about that, Ray.”

“I do. When Stel and I got married we were too poor ta go on the big Europe trip she wanted. We ended up at some couples’ place in Cancun. She hated it. Me, I had a great time.”

“Ah... you want to take me to a... a couples’ place, Ray?”

“Nah. That means I’d havta share ya with other people. They make ya sit with other couples, ya know, and I ain’t never been into that scene.” He edged closer and put a hand on Ben’s leg. “But I wouldn’t mind takin’ ya off somewhere where it’d be just you and me.”

Ben felt his face grow hotter. “That sounds... interesting, Ray.”

Ray licked his lip. “Wanna take this conversation to the bedroom and... discuss locations?”

“T-That sounds fine, Ray.”

“How about we discuss positions while we’re at it?” Ray suggested evilly.

“Ah. That sounds fine too, Ray.”

Ray laughed. “God, I love you, Benton Fraser.”

“And I you, Ray.”

Ray tugged on Ben’s leg. “C’mon. Let’s move this party to somewhere more private.”

“With’r thou goest, I follow,” Ben replied, rising to his feet.

“Oh I like that. Well, then follow me to the land of sensuous pleasures and the Midnight Sun,” Ray teased, lightly walking backwards toward the door of their bedroom.

“That sounds intriguing, Ray. How long will it take us to get there?”

Ray threw his arms around his lover and kissed him soundly.

“No time at all, Ben, no time at all,” he answered, pulling Ben into the bedroom.

Ben kicked the door shut behind him.

FINIS

T. Botta 5/2000


End file.
